This site is not affiliated with AGCO Inc., Duluth GA., Allis-Chalmers Co., Milwaukee, WI., or any surviving or related corporate entity. All trademarks remain the property of their respective owners. All information presented herein should be considered the result of an un-moderated public forum with no responsibility for its accuracy or usability assumed by the users and sponsors of this site or any corporate entity.
The Forum Parts and Services Unofficial Allis Store Tractor Shows Serial Numbers History
Forum Home Forum Home > Other Topics > Shops, Barns, Varmints, and Trucks
  New Posts New Posts
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login


Time for your weekly funny,,,

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Message
desertjoe View Drop Down
Orange Level Access
Orange Level Access
Avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13693
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Time for your weekly funny,,,
    Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 7:59pm

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other
in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to
give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty
minutes, during which time you can do anything you want." And with a clap of
his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from
whence there came a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of
branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide
grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more broadly, the female statue turned to the male statue and
said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll * on it's
head!"
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
desertjoe View Drop Down
Orange Level Access
Orange Level Access
Avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13693
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:02pm
  5/8
Chilli 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chilli. Freshly ground cayenne peppers add considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chilli using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
BRUCE: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming
Back to Top
plummerscarin View Drop Down
Orange Level Access
Orange Level Access


Joined: 22 Jun 2015
Location: ia
Points: 3903
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote plummerscarin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:03pm

Good one!
Back to Top
desertjoe View Drop Down
Orange Level Access
Orange Level Access
Avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13693
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:03pm
  
4/8
Chilli 4: Bubba's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: A hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chilli.
BRUCE: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see her. When she winked at me, her snake sort of coiled and uncoiled - it's kinda cute.
Back to Top
desertjoe View Drop Down
Orange Level Access
Orange Level Access
Avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13693
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:05pm
 

Chilli 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chilli
JUDGE ONE: Smokey (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting barbecue flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
BRUCE: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will not pick a fight with her.
Back to Top
desertjoe View Drop Down
Orange Level Access
Orange Level Access
Avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13693
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:06pm
/8
If you read it slowly and pay attention to the reactions of the first two judges, the response of the third judge is even funnier. The notes are from an inexperienced chilli taster named Bruce, who was visiting Texas in the United States.

BRUCE: Recently I was honoured to be selected to be a judge at a chilli cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chilli wouldn't be all that spicy, and they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you're an internet writer and are therefore known and adored by all. Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chilli 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chilli

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
BRUCE: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it! Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 11.10
Copyright ©2001-2017 Web Wiz Ltd.

This page was generated in 0.063 seconds.


Help Support the
Unofficial Allis Forum