Time for your weekly funny,,,
Printed From: Unofficial Allis
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Forum Name: Shops, Barns, Varmints, and Trucks
Forum Description: anything you want to talk about except politics
URL: https://www.allischalmers.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=193059
Printed Date: 23 Aug 2025 at 8:05am
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Topic: Time for your weekly funny,,,
Posted By: desertjoe
Subject: Time for your weekly funny,,,
Date Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 7:59pm
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For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other
in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from whence there came a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more broadly, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll * on it's head!" |
Replies:
Posted By: desertjoe
Date Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:02pm
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5/8 Chilli 5: Linda's Legal Lip RemoverJUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chilli. Freshly ground cayenne peppers add considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chilli using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. BRUCE: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming |
Posted By: plummerscarin
Date Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:03pm
 Good one! |
Posted By: desertjoe
Date Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:03pm
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Posted By: desertjoe
Date Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:05pm
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Chilli 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chilli JUDGE ONE: Smokey (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting barbecue flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. BRUCE: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will not pick a fight with her. |
Posted By: desertjoe
Date Posted: 22 Jan 2023 at 8:06pm
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/8
If you read it slowly and pay attention to the reactions of the first two judges, the response of the third judge is even funnier. The notes are from an inexperienced chilli taster named Bruce, who was visiting Texas in the United States. BRUCE: Recently I was honoured to be selected to be a judge at a chilli cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chilli wouldn't be all that spicy, and they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you're an internet writer and are therefore known and adored by all. Here are the scorecards from the event: Chilli 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chilli JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. BRUCE: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it! Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy. |