OK, it's that time again,,,,

  Two thieves break into a house.
Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."

The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

OK, just one more,,,,,

If you get a loan from a bank, you'll be paying it off for 30 yrs.
If you rob a bank, you'll be out in 10 yrs.
Follow me for more financial advice.
~~~
When we're young, we sneak out of the house to go to parties.
When we're old, we sneak out of parties to go home.
~~~
Once you understand why pizza is made round,
Packed in a square box,
And eaten as a triangle . . .
Then you will understand women.
~~~
Our town is so small we don't have a town drunk so we all take turns.
~~~
It's my wife's birthday tomorrow, she's been leaving catalogues all over
the house, so I've bought her a magazine rack.
~~~
Fish bite twice a day ... Before you get there and after you leave.
~~~
I think the real reason this generation is so screwed-up is because their music sucks.
~~~
I bet Canada feels like they live in the apartment above a Meth Lab.
~~~
Two things to make your day better:
* Do not watch the news.
* Stay off the bathroom scales

She replied "It's President's day"

So I asked if she knew what it meant expecting a reply about Bush, Obama, or Clinton 

Bur she replied "It's the day the president steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow  we will have another year of BULL!!!

It hurts when hot tea spurts out your nose.