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Clay
Orange Level Joined: 11 Sep 2009 Location: Udall, Kansas Points: 8783 |
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Posted: 23 Jan 2020 at 10:34pm |
I think, I'm going to lose my driver's license... and all just because of a stupid police officer. The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:
OFFICER: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
ME: "I assure you, I did not drink anything".
OFFICER: "Okay, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"
ME: "A car".
OFFICER: "Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"
ME: "I have no idea!"
OFFICER: "So, you're drunk".
ME: "But I didn't drink anything".
OFFICER: "Okay, one more test - imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you. What is it?
ME: "A motorcycle".
OFFICER: "Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"
ME: "I have no idea!"
OFFICER: "As I suspected, you're drunk!"
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
ME: "So... counter question - you're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
OFFICER: "A prostitute of course".
ME: "Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"
Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend
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chaskaduo
Orange Level Joined: 26 Nov 2016 Location: Twin Cities Points: 5203 |
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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john(MI)
Orange Level Joined: 12 Sep 2009 Location: SE MI Points: 9263 |
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When I was young and dumb I got nabbed for impaired driving. The officer was talking to me behind my truck and said, "I think we need to get in the car". I immediately said, "You better drive!"! He held it but had a hard time not laughing. Back at the station I seen him telling all of the other officers about it and chuckling. They put me in the quiet people cell and let me have a cigarette. The people in the loud people cell were sure upset I got to have a cigarette. I quit smoking in case you was thinking I was still a dummy!
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D14, D17, 5020, 612H, CASE 446
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Clay
Orange Level Joined: 11 Sep 2009 Location: Udall, Kansas Points: 8783 |
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Fell off a 50 foot ladder today.
Thank the Lord, I was on the first step. |
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Ted J
Orange Level Joined: 05 Jul 2010 Location: La Crosse, WI Points: 18699 |
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I slipped of the top of a 50 foot ladder yesterday.
Good thing it was laying flat on the ground.... |
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"Allis-Express"
19?? WC / 1941 C / 1952 CA / 1956 WD45 / 1957 WD45 / 1958 D-17 |
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Clay
Orange Level Joined: 11 Sep 2009 Location: Udall, Kansas Points: 8783 |
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LouSWPA
Orange Level Access Joined: 11 Sep 2009 Location: Clinton, Pa Points: 24021 |
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why do we park in the driveway, and drive on the parkway
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I am still confident of this;
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Ps 27 |
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Kansas99
Orange Level Access Joined: 26 Feb 2015 Location: W Kansas Points: 4804 |
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[TUBE]z2AbvTL1TTM[/TUBE]
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"LET"S GO BRANDON!!"
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Clay
Orange Level Joined: 11 Sep 2009 Location: Udall, Kansas Points: 8783 |
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Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a nice little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity Tom”, said God. "This is very special, not everyone gets a house up here." Tom felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.
On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a HUGE 3 story mansion with Red and Gold sidewalks and drive ways, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Chiefs flag waving, a swimming pool in the shape of an arrowhead, a KC logo in every window, and a #15 Patrick Mahomes jersey on the front door. Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 6 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame." God said "So what's your point Tom?" “Well, why does Patrick Mahomes get a better house than me?" God chuckled, and said "Tom, that's not Patrick’s house, it's mine." |
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