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desertjoe 
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
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 Topic: Funny,,,,,
Posted: 13 Jun 2018 at 9:46pm |
~~~~~~~~~~ An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad , what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...." 
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desertjoe
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Posted: 13 Jun 2018 at 9:49pm |
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A stutterer walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc-c-c-tor, my s-s-s-stuttering is a real p-p-pain in the n-n-neck, please help."
The doctor examines him and finally finds the root of the problem: "Well, sir, the thing is, your * is too big and takes up too much blood that would normally go in the brain. We have to operate and take at least a half of it off."
A month after the operation the stutterer comes back for a check-up and sighs, "Doctor, it really helped my stuttering and that is a relief. But my wife is very unhappy with the situation. Could the amputated bit be sewn back on, please?"
Doctor: "Sorry, but n-n-n-n-no."
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desertjoe
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Posted: 13 Jun 2018 at 9:53pm |
A priest went into a Washington, D.C., barbershop, got his hair cut and asked how much he owed. "No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a service to the Lord." when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest. A few days later a police officer came in. "How much do I owe you?" the cop asked after his haircut. "No charge, officer," the barber answered. "I consider it a service to my community." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer. A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. "How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward. "No charge," the barber replied. "I consider it a service to my country." The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop. 
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desertjoe
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Location: New mexico
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Posted: 13 Jun 2018 at 9:54pm |
Let there be humor in our world,,,,,,,
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chaskaduo
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Joined: 26 Nov 2016
Location: Twin Cities
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Posted: 13 Jun 2018 at 9:56pm |
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I don't get it.
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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Hubert (Ga)engine7
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Joined: 12 Sep 2009
Location: Jackson Cnty,GA
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Posted: 14 Jun 2018 at 4:45am |
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Just an old country boy saved by the grace of God.
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iowallis
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Joined: 04 Jun 2017
Location: North Iowa
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Posted: 14 Jun 2018 at 8:50pm |
An older lady is at the doctor's office when she mentions her problem with "silent gas". She mentions that she suffers from it at church, playing cards with her lady friends, at the grocery store, and she was even suffering from it right now in the doctors office.
The doctor says "the first thing we need to do is check your hearing".
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Tbone95
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Joined: 31 Aug 2012
Location: Michigan
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Posted: 15 Jun 2018 at 6:57am |
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Well done Joe!
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SteveM C/IL
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Joined: 12 Sep 2009
Location: Shelbyville IL
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Posted: 15 Jun 2018 at 8:51am |
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check yer hearing...Yep
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Clay
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Udall, Kansas
Points: 9323
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Posted: 15 Jun 2018 at 6:02pm |
Conjoined twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool.
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip.
I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation
while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, fellas?"
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a
car and drive for miles and miles, don't we, Jim?"
Jim nods.
"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country...the history, the
culture and especially the beer."
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's
beer, that's for us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English people, they're
so arrogant and rude."
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.
John replies: "Gives Jim a chance to drive..."
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
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Posted: 16 Jun 2018 at 4:21am |
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chaskaduo
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Location: Twin Cities
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Posted: 16 Jun 2018 at 7:32am |
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I don't get it.
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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thendrix
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Joined: 04 Feb 2013
Location: Fairmount GA
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Posted: 16 Jun 2018 at 8:11am |
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An elderly man went for a physical and while his ears were being checked the Dr says "hmm there's something in there". He used his tweezers to pull it out and said "hmm...it's a suppository". The man says "can I use your phone?" The Dr replies "sure! Who do you wish to call?" The old man replied "I'm going to call my wife and tell her I think I know where I put my hearing aide."
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"Farming is a business that makes a Las Vegas craps table look like a regular paycheck" Ronald Reagan
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thendrix
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Posted: 16 Jun 2018 at 8:12am |
 chaskaduo wrote:
I don't get it. |
A lot of cars are right hand drive in Europe
Edited by thendrix - 16 Jun 2018 at 8:12am
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"Farming is a business that makes a Las Vegas craps table look like a regular paycheck" Ronald Reagan
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chaskaduo
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Posted: 16 Jun 2018 at 8:25am |
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That's funny!
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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DiyDave
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Posted: 16 Jun 2018 at 6:11pm |
thendrix wrote:
An elderly man went for a physical and while his ears were being checked the Dr says "hmm there's something in there". He used his tweezers to pull it out and said "hmm...it's a suppository". The man says "can I use your phone?" The Dr replies "sure! Who do you wish to call?" The old man replied "I'm going to call my wife and tell her I think I know where I put my hearing aide." |
A gynecologist and a proctologist are walkin down a hall, in a hospital. Proctologist reaches over to his shirt pocket to find a pen, to write something on a chart he is carrying. Instead of finding a pen, he finds his thermometer. Looks at it a second, and says, Damn, some as  le has my pen... 
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thendrix
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Posted: 16 Jun 2018 at 9:14pm |
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"Farming is a business that makes a Las Vegas craps table look like a regular paycheck" Ronald Reagan
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Clay
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Posted: 17 Jun 2018 at 12:07am |
This is very important and you may want to share it with Family and Friends.
About Drinking and Driving:
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my family & friends about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.
Well, three days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails, followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before .. I took a cab home!
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it!!!
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
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Posted: 17 Jun 2018 at 10:01am |
That right there is a great one,,,,
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