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What to do after your wife passes

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HD6GTOM View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 Jan 2021 at 1:15am
Gonna turn the bee business over to #2 son, Mine won't take her heart meds, i don't want to set around and gain weight. If she goes in the next couple of years, I think I'll buy me a new Gold Wing, have it delivered to Maine, put it on a tramp steamer and go with it to England for the summer, if thats possible. Or I might spend a lot of time taking Cruses around the Caribbean in Dec, Jan, Feb. If you find the right agency, you can rent a house on a Caribbean island for less than I can here. I've been getting brochures from several places. These houses aren't palaces but they would more than serve my needs. A flush pot, cook stove, and a TV + I sorta like regaie music, that ain't spelled right. Or I might ride the southern USA. In 1968, I rode a 305 Honda Super Hawk to Southern California. Checked out the hippi movement going on at the time. Boy was that hard on the backside. Might be one of the reasons my lower back is shot, along with all the tractor, combine, truck tires I installed over the 22+ years I owned my tire shop. Boy I miss that shop. We had the best people in the world as customers. Now I can't remember most of their names.

Edited by HD6GTOM - 10 Jan 2021 at 1:20am
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DougG View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DougG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jan 2021 at 6:51am
You'll have to keep busy- I went thru it and idle time is no good
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DMiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jan 2021 at 7:25am
Mine is having issues and these very thoughts have run thru my own head.

First off, selling out to a Minimalist level is on that list, keep my basic carpentry and a bare minimum automotive tools, sell nearly every other piece of mechanization I have or give to nephews.  I have my Harley and a small trailer, will tour the US and once reopens may enter Canuckistan a time or two to the western side.  No intentions of going anywhere else as have not 'seen' enough of our United States.  That being said if the Democrats make that impossible to tour I will settle into obscurity and get Off Grid so to speak with just electricity and basic services end Cell service as any electronic billing BS.  Do not need the frustrations any longer.

As to housing will either lease or purchase closer to relatives, where they can keep a mindful eye on my belongings while I am away.  Even considered rent of a Cousins basement apartment in UT if she will have my Sorry azz and materials.  Going to move as far away from Comrade States of Amerika Political BS as feasible.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gordy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jan 2021 at 7:56am

           Happened to me Sept.12 after 64 good years I have old cars old tractors and a couple horses and the farm to keep me busy but it is hard to find the interest I once had, everyone  says give it a year before making any big changes guess that is what I will do,   This state being shut down by the dem governor makes it even more difficult and hard to get out to do everything.  
“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough”
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote plummerscarin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jan 2021 at 8:19am
Hard to imagine what I'd do. My accountant most days is the driving force and my go to when I need an extra hand. I have plenty of projects to stay busy. But given my family history, she'll end up with all of it anyway.
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desertjoe View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jan 2021 at 8:57am

 Well,,Guys,,,our once realistic and somewhat secure world is swiftly changing around us as we speak. For bout 6 months,,My wife also seems to want to give up as she misses at least one day of Dialysis a week and more times twice a week. Right now she has not gone since last Monday and she is classified as ESRD!!  The people at the clinic are very worried but I keep telling them I Cannot Force her into the car and have asked them to come help me do so but no takers. Only thing I know to do is try to make her comfortable, but sometimes she is against even me doing that.
 I've never been a traveling man, altho, I always wanted to take bout a 3 month tour of the East Coast, in the summer and the fall from bout the Carolinas up to Maine,,,, but with all the political goins on these days,,SOoooo,,,I think I'm gonna pass,,,again.
 One thing I do want to do is to go visit some of the best buds I have made right here!!
 Our youngest Son has been living with us and helps out very much and our oldest also lives in a RV on the property.
  I remember all the hard feelings that continue to this day, since my mother passed and with 10 children still living then,,she left the house in town to ONE  of the boys, who is still there. Many hard feelings from others since, as there were several of her children who would of benefitted from a possible sale and split up but who knows Why she did that??
 What I hope to do to avoid all that BS is to allow whomever of the 5 Boys wants to "Buy" the house and property can get an appraisal  and then pay the other 4 their equal shares. If nobody wants it, they can sell it all and split evenly. I think that is the fair way to do it,,,,Ya think,,?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DanWi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jan 2021 at 11:51am
When my mother passed away from cancer my dad quickly remarried which us kids didn't agree with but it was his choice, figured he couldn't live alone. Anyway dad and his new wife moved a couple hours away to western Wisconsin  by her daughter. Luckily dad got hooked up with Elmer's Auto Museum in Fountain City and started working there, he always was good at fixing and collecting old stuff himself so it was a natural fit. He ended up divorcing his second wife as it just wasn't working out. Now he spends his retirement HAPPILY working at the  museum, he enjoys the work and meets people from all over the country.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Coke-in-MN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jan 2021 at 2:02pm
All those ideas : been over 6 years now and looking back on ideas - well they disappear into reality that the time shared over 45 years makes one think of both the good times and bad times . 
 Trying to find things to do or find other outlets for the alone time become one thing, but following through is difficult . 
 I had son and his family living here for 8 years before wife passed and for couple months after she did before I said "I needed my house to myself" - then replacing a few things like carpet in living room and bedroom, painting bathroom, bedroom and living area. Repainting ceilings in main spaces (vaulted ceilings) until my shoulder gave out and arm went numb. 
 Did make a cycle trip to Sturgis in 2015 as it had been 15 years since I had been there, but also since I have worked some driving again for contractor both end dumps and small dump trucks. 
 Seems of late kind of hit a wall of doing much and getting out much - especially with the COVID thing in last year as it has cut social outings to none. Even getting the bikes out to ride somewhere has suffered as only put around 700 miles on the bikes this last year.
 Ah yes 1968 - year before getting married - bought a new 1968 Norton N15cs - took off for Sturgis , then to Denver , Las Vegas , then visited friends in San Diego , up to White Rock BC to visit relative, then to Lethbridge, Regina, Virden - Manitoba, and back here . Somewhere over 8,000 mile trip in 3 weeks on the Norton, and when I got back went to future wifes class reunion the next day - looked like a racoon from wind and sun burn on face .
  So when that passing arrives a lot of ideas change but you are left with memories , and the realization , you will also . So enjoy that time you have and you might find the grand ideas are just that and what you do will have reservations involved from the life you had to the life you are left with then.
 Seems my outings of last year was mowing the 4 acres of lawn, snow plowing the church, and a big day shopping for groceries and fixing my own meals . Well I did drive a end dump and hauled leaves from off streets in South Mpls for a month - so did some productive things . Just took my DOT Physicals so he said I should live another 2 years to renew it again . Renewed my Commercial License and updated to a Enhanced license so I can board airplanes in the US and travel to Canada without a passport . 
 Hmm - always thought about going back to Trinidad - was there when in the Navy - but would need to get a passport to return. Hmm- wonder if Ms Olson is still alive     
Faith isn't a jump in the dark. It is a walk in the light. Faith is not guessing; it is knowing something.
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shameless dude View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shameless dude Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2021 at 1:13am
Tom....does she know what yer writing here? or planning? what if you goes first?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FloydKS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2021 at 1:07pm
Desert Joe... ... there are 8 of us and that is what we did... Dad was first to go so we all got together at the house and said, you want anything take it... of course mom was there to help, if more than one wanted someting we were nice together and decided which one 'really' wanted it.    Then we it came time to sell the farm everyone was in on selling it to one of my cousins who was farming and 'luckly' none of us wanted to farm.   for us, it worked.
Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote plummerscarin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2021 at 5:36pm
You know why the husband usually goes first?






They WANT to.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2021 at 6:45pm
Originally posted by plummerscarin plummerscarin wrote:

You know why the husband usually goes first?






They WANT to.

 
 Chit,,,and here I always thought it was cause the mens was the ones that worked their heinne's off all them years whilst the little lady  stayed home and raised the kids and,,,,and,,,went to them beauty Shops,,,and,,,chit,,I'm outa here,,,,,WinkWink
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steve in NJ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2021 at 7:06pm
Joe! If'n ya come up the Ees Coast wit yourself, don't forgit' ta' stop in New Joisey and see us b'for ya heads up norf'!! Gotsta' come round' the Fall time an' see all the purty trees! The wife al' cook ya a nice I-tailan meal that'll knock yer' socks off! Coarse, that's if'n yer' wearin' socks.......
Steve@B&B


Edited by Steve in NJ - 12 Jan 2021 at 7:08pm
39'RC, 43'WC, 48'B, 49'G, 50'WF, 65 Big 10, 67'B-110, 75'716H, 2-620's, & a Motorhead wife
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shameless dude View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shameless dude Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2021 at 7:38pm
i'll prolly go first....it's cuz i married a young'in!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HD6GTOM Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2021 at 7:42pm
Shameless, if I fall over tomorrow, she'll Be in trouble. She can't walk more than 100 feet without huffing and puffing. I gotta take the mud tires off the old golf cart and put them on the good one for her. I do most of the house cleaning because she can't bend over and use a dust pan. She won't ask the Dr for a handicap parking permit, he won't give it to me without her applying for it. She can and does ride to her office in the Honey production shed and works in the kitchen out there, she is sitting on a chair or on a bar stool all day long. I'm surprised, she is sending applications for flea markets all over the country, Hutch is included. Probably gonna cut out most of the farmers markets, she can't do them in the heat. I did most of them last year, only had bad weather for the last 1. Not interested in another female in my life. Ones Enough.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2021 at 8:54am

 Well,,Steve,, I'll surely take you and Jo Jo up on that offer,,I've always wanted to do just that 'cept the wife never was too keen on that sort of stuff,,,,,, I always been a horticulterist kind of guy,,,,WinkWink "sides,,I wanna get a closer look at the "Vicky",,,,LOLClap

 Well,,Good Buddy,,,you best be takin care of yourself and don't be eatin so much of that great cookin you be doing,,,else,,,,,,,Wink

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dennis(IA) Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2021 at 9:19am
Mine would not take her cancer treatments.  Been over 20 years now.  Of course I was still working, so that gave me plenty to do.  A few years later I meet another wonderful woman, we have stayed busy.  It will all work out Tom.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steve in NJ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2021 at 5:40pm
Joe,
If I git' that Vicky done we'll go out for a nice ride in the country. If the Vicky ain't done, Jo Jo will take ya out for a spin in her T-Bird. I'll probably have the Nova Wagon done, so we'll take that out to one of the farms and git' some fresh veggies. Might even have the 26' T coupe done by then to!  We'll galavant around man!  Thumbs Up
39'RC, 43'WC, 48'B, 49'G, 50'WF, 65 Big 10, 67'B-110, 75'716H, 2-620's, & a Motorhead wife
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2021 at 8:47pm

 Chit,,Steve,,,you is one industrious person,,,you are!!  Maybe,,,maybe I ought to bring Ole Red along just for funsies,,,,ya'll got lots of gasoline over there,,?? That 406 is one thirsty sob I'll tell you for sure,,,,LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote GARY(OH/IN) Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2021 at 9:42pm
Here's what I'll do. Check the status on a few old girlfriends and some others I never got around to. Nothing full time seeing how I get bored easy.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ted J Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2021 at 9:44pm
I feel for you Tom, mine's in the same kind of shape and doesn't care either.  Won't take her meds, doesn't eat hardly at all and just has that "who cares" attitude.  The kids really pizz her off cause they never come around anymore or bring the grandkids and we've only seen the great grand kids at Christmas time.  You just CAN'T make them do what ever, #1 cause they don't want to and #2 cause you want them to.  I'm glad I keep busy.
I too do all the cooking and cleaning and sometimes I wonder why?  Instead of looking forward to tomorrow, she's just like her mom,,,just wants to let it go because they don't care.  Crazy.....
Coke, I haven't been on a bike since I left for Nam.  I had a 305 Scrambler and sure liked to ride around the country side with my buddy.  He had a 750 Guzzi.  I don't know if my back would allow me to do any traveling again.
Shamers ole buddy, you might surprise yourself if you keep on eatin healthy and how long has it been now since you quit them dang coffin nails?  Keep eatin less and better and who knows!!??
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shameless dude Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2021 at 10:15pm
when i cooks, i gotta cook something for the old lady.....ooooops....i mean the loving wife, then cook something i like! she's a junk food junkie and i ain't! there are a few things i can cook that satisfies us both at the same time. the food Doc says: 1 slice of bread a day (sure makes a messy PB@J samwich), no taters, limited fresh fruit, lots of veggies, and meat is a free-bee. i didn't ask her bouts bacon cuz i was afraid she'd make me cut that out too...but....bacon is meat right? i eats lots of turkey-she hates it, i eat lots of veggies-she hates them,  i eats lots of fruits-she won't, i eats different kinds of meats-she's picky, i drinks lots of water-she won't, i late night snack with grapes/olives/oranges/fried eggs-she grabs snack cakes. i drink hot water in the mornings-she drinks rot gut coffee (black tar), bouts the only thing we can both agree on is that i cook everything on the grill, no grease/fat/oil that way. Tom describes his old lady....ooooops....i mean his loving wife, and i'm about the same way myself. if i stand or walk very far my back will go out. i do have a blue card for the vehicle and that helps bunches! i don't always use it, but it is handy in large parking lots. she likes walking with the dogs while camping and here at home in the fields. and she still hangs all the laundry outside to dry. Ted...as for the "coffin nails" , one still finds it's way to me once in a while. always if i have to talk to a stockholder. she still puffs and makes up for both us...i won't let her smoke in the house or her new burb, thought that would help curb it some...it does when there's lots of "pretty" coming down!    
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ted J Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2021 at 10:32pm
Originally posted by Gordy Gordy wrote:

Happened to me Sept.12 after 64 good years I have old cars old tractors and a couple horses and the farm to keep me busy but it is hard to find the interest I once had, everyone  says give it a year before making any big changes guess that is what I will do,   This state being shut down by the dem governor makes it even more difficult and hard to get out to do everything.
Sorry to hear this Gordy, It really is hard after all that time.  It's kind of like half of you just went someplace else.  All of a sudden, the things you took for granted are something you wish for.
Keep busy and look for that silver lining in everything you do.
WHAT old cars do you have??!!  Got any pictures??!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ted J Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2021 at 10:33pm
Originally posted by desertjoe desertjoe wrote:

I always been a horticulterist kind of guy,,,,
Joe, among your other talents, you are also a pimp??!!  I spose, extra money....


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jan 2021 at 9:09am

 Well,,,GOSH DANG,,Ted,,,,!!  You done caught me,,Ya did,,!  I like to throw out them ten dollar synonym words to,,,to see if anybody is payin 'ttention,,,,LOLLOL
 Actually,,I was referrin to what ole New Joisy Steve was sayin bout the beautiful fall colors of all the fauna and flora,,,,,,WinkWink,,,,LOL
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