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desertjoe 
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13696
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 Topic: To start the day off right,,,,,
Posted: 29 Sep 2019 at 9:15am |
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the
end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The
pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she
is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what
size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13696
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Posted: 29 Sep 2019 at 9:16am |
OK,,just one more,,,,, 
The rain had stopped and there was a large puddle just outside the door to the American Legion hall.
A
rumpled old Navy Chief was standing near the edge with a fishing line
in the puddle. A curious young Marine fighter pilot came over to him and
asked what he was doing.
"Fishing," the old Chief simply said.
"Poor old chief," the Marine officer thought to himself and invited the
old Navy Chief into the bar for a drink.
As he felt he should
start a conversation while they were sipping their spirits, the young
jet pilot winked at another pilot and asked the Chief, "How many have
you caught today?"
"You're number 14," the old Chief answered,
taking another sip from his double shot of 12-year-old Scotch, "2 Air
Force, 3 Army and 9 Marines."
Edited by desertjoe - 29 Sep 2019 at 9:17am
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chaskaduo
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Joined: 26 Nov 2016
Location: Twin Cities
Points: 5200
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Posted: 29 Sep 2019 at 10:13am |
 My Dad used to love going to the local Legion and hang with the guys.
Edited by chaskaduo - 29 Sep 2019 at 10:13am
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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steve(ill)
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: illinois
Points: 87853
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Posted: 29 Sep 2019 at 4:11pm |
and the CAMEL story is GREAT !!!
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Like them all, but love the "B"s.
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Thad in AR.
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Joined: 12 Sep 2009
Location: Arkansas
Points: 9658
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Posted: 29 Sep 2019 at 4:26pm |
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An old man was in to see the doctor. Doc says wow you appear to be in very good health. Do you have any complaints. Well, says the old man, the first time my wife and I make love I get very cold and the chills after and then the second time we make love I get very hot and sweaty. Next the doctor sees the wife. He says wow you have a clean bill of health. He asks, do you have any complaints? She says not a one.
Doctor then tells her what her husband told him and that he was puzzled. Wife says oh I can explain. See the first time is mid January and the second is mid August.
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Ted J
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Joined: 05 Jul 2010
Location: La Crosse, WI
Points: 18943
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Posted: 29 Sep 2019 at 9:04pm |
They're ALL GOOD!! NOW, if ONLY I could REMEMBER them!! 
Edited by Ted J - 29 Sep 2019 at 9:05pm
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"Allis-Express"
19?? WC / 1941 C / 1952 CA / 1956 WD45 / 1957 WD45 / 1958 D-17
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shameless dude
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Joined: 10 Apr 2017
Location: east NE
Points: 13607
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Posted: 29 Sep 2019 at 9:08pm |
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yep...made me chuckle! thanks!
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Grayray
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Location: Ambridge PA
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Posted: 30 Sep 2019 at 4:38am |
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Ted, are you saying you suffer from CRS? Me too.
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Dave H
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Central IL
Points: 3583
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Posted: 30 Sep 2019 at 5:56am |
Just as long s that CRS does not turn into CRAFT.
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