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Smiles

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nella(Pa) View Drop Down
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Allentown, Pa.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nella(Pa) Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Smiles
    Posted: 23 May 2022 at 5:23am

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons.  If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it.  Are you kidding me?

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dumb ass.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person.  The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest
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plummerscarin View Drop Down
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Joined: 22 Jun 2015
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote plummerscarin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2022 at 6:31am

For some reason my accountant didn't like the button one
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nella(Pa) View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nella(Pa) Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2022 at 6:49am
Originally posted by plummerscarin plummerscarin wrote:


For some reason my accountant didn't like the button one

I would take the  'HANDS ON" approach until you find the buttons that make her smile!!! Thumbs Up
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steve(ill) View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote steve(ill) Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2022 at 9:56am
Clap   Clap
Like them all, but love the "B"s.
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DaveKamp View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DaveKamp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2022 at 11:01pm
Originally posted by nella(Pa) nella(Pa) wrote:

I would take the  'HANDS ON" approach until you find the buttons that make her smile!!! Thumbs Up


I doubt that dental insurance would even come CLOSE to the repair bill for that move...Confused
Ten Amendments, Ten Commandments, and one Golden Rule solve most every problem. Citrus hand-cleaner with Pumice does the rest.
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Clay View Drop Down
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Udall, Kansas
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Clay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 May 2022 at 8:18pm
 Beer Turns Men Into Women
Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption due to the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
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ac hunter View Drop Down
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Joined: 05 Jan 2011
Location: OHIO
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ac hunter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 May 2022 at 10:11am
Hey Clay, I wouldn't advise telling that one to the Mrs.
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fixer1958 View Drop Down
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Joined: 13 Feb 2010
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fixer1958 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 May 2022 at 6:57am
The "RSVPing" is what I told my sister. She hasn't talked to me since.
It's been about 25 years. That was #3 for her.
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Clay View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Clay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 May 2022 at 9:23pm
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.    Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.  The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99c a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister is blonde.  The word is big. She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul.'
 
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Kansas99 View Drop Down
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Joined: 26 Feb 2015
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kansas99 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 May 2022 at 9:45pm
"LET"S GO BRANDON!!"
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Kansas99 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kansas99 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 May 2022 at 9:46pm
"LET"S GO BRANDON!!"
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