Was just going through some old E-mails and here is one from 2011 from Brian Reese from down under .
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your bloody plane!"
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Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home". So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. “I can't work in the bloody dark!" says Murphy. -----------------------------oOo---------------------------- Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you?"
Yeah," says Paddy.
"The whole bloody bed by the looks of it!"
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Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
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Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman who's head was found on Bondi beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"
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Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off. He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do ?" Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"
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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Blue tongue.
"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"
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Mick and Paddy were taking a walk and came across an old cemetery.
Mick started reading a head stone.
Mick says to Paddy
"Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London!"
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Life lesson: If you’re being chased by a lion, you’re on a horse, to the left of you is a giraffe and on the right is a unicorn, what do you do? You stop drinking and get off the carousel.
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