A state trooper pulls over a car for speeding.
The driver, an elderly woman, says "But I was doing 84, just like the sign said!"
The trooper says "Ma'am, that was the Route #. The speed limit is 55."
Then he notices that the elderly man in the passenger seat looks a little pale and shaky. So he asks "Are you feeling OK, sir?"
The passenger replies "Weeeee jjjjuuusssttt ccccaaammmeee offff Route 124!!!!"

 One more,,,

  A young man is visiting his girlfriend at her parent's home for the first time...He's looking for a cup to make some tea in when he notices a long row of handmade cups, each inscribed with what seems like half-words. Just then the girlfriend's mother walks in, and he asks her what the deal with the cups are.

"Oh those. They are our family cups, one for each member, they've been inscribed so we know which is whose."

She pulls one of the cups down, which says "HIC" on it
"This one's for little William, whenever he gets a hiccup episode we fill this cup to the brim, he's always cured when he's finished it, so it's his HIC-cup."

She then pulls down another cup that says "BREA" on it
"This is for Angela, whenever she's heartbroken she likes to drink hot toddy out of this, so this is her BREA-Cup."

"Ahh, okay, I get it. But doesn't your husband get his own cup?"
"Oh he does" The mom replies "It's the one that says 'SHUTTHEFU' on it...

Like (

 OH,,,OK,,just one more,,,,

A guy goes into a bar in California's Silicon Valley, where there is a robot bartender serving drinks.


The robot asks in a metallic humanoid voice, "What will you have?"

The guy replies, "Whiskey."

The robot brings back his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."

The robot continues on to talk to him about molecular physics, space exploration, and medical technology.

After the guy leaves and the more he thinks about it, the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back.

The robot asks, "What's your drink?"

The guy answers, "Whiskey."

The robot returns with his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "100."

The robot then talks about Nascar, Budweiser, Deer season, the 49ers, the Raiders, and the Dodgers.

The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in his "experiment" that he decides to try again.

He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he wants to drink.

The man replies, "Whiskey."

The robot brings the drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "35".

The robot leans in real close and asks, "So,. . . Do you folks really think you're going to impeach Donald Trump?"

 Just one little one,,,??

  Today my son asked how I know everyone else driving is named Dick.

 Well,,THANK YOU, Guys for the best wishes,,,cause,,I'm Wich you,,,,

 And, Shameless,,,Many thanks for the beautiful card,,,,,I told Joyce you and Ms. Dee bought it specially for her,,,,