Likely to end up single yet

Next up the Farm, actually stated likes living here, did NOT want it but Pacified MY need to be on the land.  Repeated that Pacification concept as to ALLOWING me to do certain things just to give me some slack.  Went thru everything we ever did, the Lake life, the move in career path and working the Power Station that bought her so much comfort, said if had been up to her would probably not bent to allow leaving the little garage job in O'Fallon MO as was more closely aligned to her taking care of her family members.

So I bulled up a little tighter.  Closed lips and closed mind at this point.  She welcomed the extra efforts I made as made her feel good but lost to her design as to her intentions on finishing this life.  KW is in process of listing, several friends in the business are plying to known buyers to sell it for me.  Soon as it is gone will look to moving my stuff out of here, all the Farm equipment going to Nephew for the Now HIS place at Salem MO.  My extra tooling I will no longer need will go to Craisglist then I will gather up my belongings and start sale of this place.  She is not apprised of that direction, yet.

Her final commentary was all she INTENDS to do is sit and watch TV after work until SHE can retire where will then get up and I can take her around the country, She also noted intends to stay working to Full SSI age of 67, six years out and that nothing I enjoy seems to fit her desires to see or do, she will make the choices of trips.  Her own Dad's words repeated as he retired at 64, where he crawled into a recliner and lost physical function dramatically in less than a year. She then explained 'I' needed to arrange sale of the Farm ground outside of the house and a few acres so we can live a little easier where her bills can be paid faster, Oh and she will need a replacement car in next year or so.  I feel like a abused wallet or bad bank loan.

So the time is ripe and the abilities to get it done are still functional.  Will find her a little house to reside in, most likely in or around Washington MO where as soon as moved and the farm gone I will also be gone.  Spoke with younger brother outside of Cape Girardeau MO, said are still plenty of small places I can hole up in there to finish out my days and family there to help me get along when health goes to hell and gone. Can vagabond from there to points south or west, visit older family and friends have missed for several years, will keep my Harley until eyes worsen then will situate locally.

 Do not care to ever file divorce myself, will be her choice as she would cut own throat as to my pension transfer and life insurance after I pass, will not explain that unless get into court for the big D where once signed she will be explained to.  May be leaving the forum from here, lots of stuff I need to finish up and close out, get some final health concerns attended and begin aligning for Single life again.

After all those years, sell everything and move to town to make her happy?  Not everyone is happy living the country life.  Not everyone desires to live the camper/nomad life.  Living somewhere for many years, doing a job for many years when your not happy may just be building up?  She gave you how many years doing it your way?  Now time to do it her way to make her happy?  I've always been told, happy wife happy life.  Is it too late to give her what she now desires after you've had your desires how many years?  I would not blame her for wanting a debt free retirement.

I got lucky, we both worked to ensure we could retire debt free but we do watch our pennies.  Fortunately, my wife loves it in the country although I can see it will end someday as our health dictates.  If things don't change soon, I will be the reason we become small town, ie property dwellers that does not need daily care/work.  I will say after 40 years of living *my* way, I would happily change our lifestyle for one that she desires for another 20.

My wife enjoys time in an RV, but days at a time, not months or as a lifestyle.  I could live in one but, we compromise.  A small trip here and there, for longer trips, we either fly or take trains, stay a few days in a hotel and rent a car.  In the end, alot of trips cost about the same whatever way we go and she's home quicker.  AND, happier!

Not saying our way would work for you, but, is SHE worth it to you to keep her?  We do have our spats, everybody does, it's just life.  Can't change that, don't care who a person thinks they are or what they can do! 

I'm not there, don't know your and your wife's situation, but if I may suggest... step back, take a deep breath and relax.  Try to see it from her side, walk in her shoes for a little while so to speak.  I promise you, the grass IS NOT always greener on the other side of the fence, might even be much more lonely, more bitter tasting than you think.

I have no family around here anymore, a distant cousin across the river north of here but we were never close, time is done.  Has been her expectation I drop everything to be with her at any event of her family, my family was discounted where she would tell me Just go(Alone) and say hi for her.  Put that foot down a time or two but gained nothing more than a stalwart OK I'll go.  Have stayed second to any and everyone as well anything else for 37 going on 38 years.  Will give her her freedom to do as she see fit, no encumbrances.  

 Well Dave,,I really feel for your dilemma. The "D" may be your only option, altho it should be your last option as you must be aware her attorney will attempt to tear up any and all agreements that were discussed by you and her. I was married for 53 years and there were disagreements along the way, even "D" threatened a few times, we managed to work past those times. You state that you still LOVE her and there is half of ya'lls battle won by both "IF" you choose to work on that. I will say this, Dave, LIFE is hard as it is,,,altho you will most likely out find that being away from her for as long as ya'll have been together is going to be VERY LONELY! I hope ya'll are able to talk things thru with plenty of GIVE & TAKE by both of you. Good Luck!!

Wife worked for 10 years and we had two kids.. She stayed home and raised them. I supplied the money.. "WE" decided what "WE" would buy with "OUR" money... Balance the budget, dont go crazy, and not be in debt when we retire......It can be done, but you have to BUDGET all the money..

One ( the only ? ) smart thing I did when we bought the house was setup a 3rd bank account..a joint account , the 'house' account. All 'house' bills gets paid from there..taxes,gas,hydro,insurance,food,repairs..mortgage laid off long ago

The deal was we each put 1/2 of whatever is needed and whatever is leftover of our personal paychecks, we can spend  on whatever we want, as the 'house' is satisfied.

When the roof needed to be done, we each put 1/2 into the house account,paid from there. It just made sense to me. It also SHOWS real easy WHAT it COSTS to 'run a house'.

I've never understood how  a couple do the 'you pay the mortgage, I pay the utilities and food' split... seems like a recipe for disaster.

Still have projects in works, will be finishing those up as speak with our Lord.

Been splitting down my trailer load of Rocks, for the landscaping edge I envisioned.  Will be selling a bunch of larger tooling after this is done.  Lathe and Mill will leave, then the Old F250 for whatever is worth,.  Will keep the KW as need a truck to haul my stuff away once sell off the rest.

Weather is warm and dry for today will be out there again, ALL Day.  Scribe a saw cut, start the chisel runs.  Back and forth, forth and back until shears.

Wife admitted over the weekend has only played along with my dreams, expecting me to become bored where as didn't drifted off to essentially force a drop of that last event.  The Motorcycles, wanted ONLY to take short local hops, not vacation on.  The boats, enjoyed the Lake but knew I enjoyed boating, then found a excuse to avoid where expected me to give up and did.  The Farm, expectation of becoming bored in year or so and resume use of BILs place, did not happen so avoided speaking of it then SUGGESTED build house she laid out desires for expecting me NOT to find such wildest of her dreams pattern or being able to afford, it appeared.  Now she expects me to just leave it all go, buy into her ideal of sitting watching TV until she can retire then we can get up and go places.  

HER Words NOT my own.  Loads of angst built up.  Started the above process where will give her that idealist dream, just will not share into it.

I attempted to initiate discussion but NCIS Hawaii took precedent.  So I finished up some dishes, cleaned up kitchen and myself then went to bed.  NOTHING said as got up with her as she readied for work so guess not worth any effort.  

Placed my Mill and Lathe on CoMO craigslist this morning.  Next up Gas powered welder and portable compressor once cleaned up.  Welder needs a battery before list.  Reducing my larger materials that will have to move, see no use in retaining.  Will keep carpentry/plumbing equipment for next place I have to work on.

I bought here to have the Land and a Home, she treats it as her dumpster and snack palace, stores her stuff she does not want to worry of while keeps her food stuffs full.  Our bedroom has two corners packed with stuff she stated would get to, FIVE Years ago, have to move out of the way for pest service to spray.  I leave it out she stuffs it right back then walks away.  After her Mom passed they sold her parents home, had a two day Auction materials sale of the stuff the younger kids did not want.  All that was left over is in our basement, a FULL Uhaul trailer of boxes of 'Stuff'.  She says are her memories yet NOT EVER does she do anything with the Stuff, walks around and ignores it.  We have SEVEN round point shovels an five square edge, all but three were her Dad's, have old garden hoses I pitch one or two every so often as her Dad would not throw away for YEARS.  All manner of junk that has no purpose she HAD to keep takes up space and never moves.

Whines my old pickup is loaded with stuff in cab(Fence and other farm tools) her car looks a dumpster been emptied in it.  I say anything starts a fight.

Been building for over 30 years I just got to breaking point.

Just my retirement income is Net over $4000/month, her net payroll on regular hours is $2000, she whines as to Having to Work to pay MY Bills.  Cashed $26,000 out of MY 401K to buy her car so no payment, have not used a Cent of her money as to KW or Farm or even our feeding materials.  Bought last beef quarter and hog half with twelve full flash frozen chickens with farm rent money for last half 2022.  She tags the bank account $300-400 every visit to Wally World, cannot cram more clothes in closet and nothing ever leaves.  Tried a trick of her cousin, turned hangers around on some stuff, are STILL on rail backward two years running.  Last I bought just for me is on a shelf in a Armoire clothes cabinet.  Less than $200, in a Year.

Buys Health Foods for Diets, sit in cabinet until best by date is a year passed, I then pitch.  Bought exercise equipment and had me put downstairs, I took batteries out of indicator systems to keep from corrupting, she has not ever used any of it.  Bought walking clothes and shoes, still in boxes, clothes no longer fit and shoes soles are crumbling.

Sad as all she has is TV Drama shows, Jeopardy she records with Mandalorian and other special shows she records from Streaming.  Had to dump from DVR as became full, only had DISH for a year now.  

Looked into that, used to be a Homesteaders Act here, was dropped a number of years ago.