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desertjoe 
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
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 Topic: Well,,it that time again,,,,,
Posted: 10 Mar 2021 at 1:43am |
My Grandma's sense of humor has always been her strongest attribute. She was mugged a few years ago, unfortunately. As the young punk held her up and demanded all her money, she said, "I don't have any money." "I don't believe you! I' gonna search you!" he sneered. So he started patting her down all over really well. "I guess you don't have any money" he said disappointedly. "I told you," my Grandma replied. "But if you do it again, I'll write you a check!"
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13692
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Posted: 10 Mar 2021 at 1:48am |
And this one is for ole Shameless that thinks it's what is needed for dry hands,,,,,,
Shameless was seen on the sidewalk getting slapped in the face. A Little
later it happened again by another young woman. Joe was curious so he
asked Shameless what it was all about. Shameless said he asked the women if they
would like to have sex with an older man. Joe said you must get
slapped a lot. Sure said Shameless but I also get a lot of sex.
( Chit, I'm outa here) 
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Ray54
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Joined: 22 Nov 2009
Location: Paso Robles, Ca
Points: 4723
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Posted: 10 Mar 2021 at 11:16am |
My Wonderfull just told me several real knee slappers.  But since we have some easily offended that and think this place gets political. I will leave you wondering what a prim and proper grammar school teacher's would be sharing in the lounge. 
But if you are brave enough I put them in the political so look for Funnies over there.
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Thad in AR.
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Joined: 12 Sep 2009
Location: Arkansas
Points: 9643
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Posted: 10 Mar 2021 at 5:38pm |
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A hillbilly went to a bar. The bartender asks , do you have any ID?
The hillbilly says, about what?
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DiyDave
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Gambrills, MD
Points: 54029
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Posted: 10 Mar 2021 at 6:00pm |
We're gonna have to start callin you Tater Salad, Ray....
Profane(but not political) language warning!
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shameless dude
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Joined: 10 Apr 2017
Location: east NE
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Posted: 10 Mar 2021 at 10:14pm |
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Joe....where was you at watching me when i was on that sidewalk?????
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desertjoe
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Location: New mexico
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Posted: 11 Mar 2021 at 3:28am |
Chit, Shameless,,,,Ya got me again,,,,!! Gulp..I was behind that blue van asking if they was maybe interested in ,,,,"seconds",,,,, I get "lucky" myself every so often,,,,
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desertjoe
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Posted: 11 Mar 2021 at 3:31am |
 Thad in AR. wrote:
A hillbilly went to a bar. The bartender asks , do you have any ID?
The hillbilly says, about what? |
Yep,,,,that young lookin fellar is sharp as a tack,,,,,ain't he,,,,?? 
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desertjoe
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Location: New mexico
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Posted: 26 Mar 2021 at 9:15pm |
Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year, And every year Ed would say,"Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "
Norma always replied, "I know Ed, but that helicopterride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
One
year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said, "Norma, I'm 75 years
old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "
To this, Norma replied, " Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "
The pilot overheard the couple and said, " Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride.
If
you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't
charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "
Ed
and Norma agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy
maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over
and over again, But still not a word..
When they landed, the
pilot turned to Ed and said, " By golly, I did everything I could to get
you to yell out, but youdidn't. I'm impressed! "
Ed replied, " Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Norma fell out the chopper,,,but 50 bucks is 50 bucks,,,,,,
Edited by desertjoe - 27 Mar 2021 at 3:51am
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FloydKS
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Location: S E Kansas
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Posted: 26 Mar 2021 at 9:25pm |
fell out,,, but fifty bucks is fifty bucks...............
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Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die
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desertjoe
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
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Posted: 27 Mar 2021 at 3:50am |
OH Chit,,Floyd,,,,I left out the punch line,,didn't I,,,??? Thanks for catching that,,,,
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DiyDave
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Location: Gambrills, MD
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Posted: 27 Mar 2021 at 4:06am |
A couple of local Amish women were out digging potatoes last year. One was staring at two spuds in her hands and was asked what was wrong. She told her companion they reminded her of her husband, Abram's, balls. The one gals eyes got big, and she said, "You mean Abram's got balls that big???" The other gal replied, "No- he's got balls that dirty!!!"
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desertjoe
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Posted: 27 Mar 2021 at 9:29am |
Good one,,Dave,,,,
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