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A good laugh a day is good,,,,,
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desertjoe View Drop Down
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13674 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: A good laugh a day is good,,,,,
    Posted: 04 Dec 2018 at 8:19pm
   
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6″ and 130 pounds and he's 6'8″ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice
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desertjoe View Drop Down
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13674 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2018 at 8:21pm
UMMmm,,,maybe two laughs,,,,

A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.
"On a trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker, smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now back off!! Or I'll kick the heck out of all of you!!"
St. Peter was impressed. He asked, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple of minutes ago ..."
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desertjoe View Drop Down
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
Location: New mexico
Points: 13674 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2018 at 8:23pm
Chit,,may as well try three,,,,

   Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
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Thad in AR. View Drop Down
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Joined: 12 Sep 2009
Location: Arkansas
Points: 9595 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thad in AR. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2018 at 8:38pm
Years ago Pet milk put adds in farm magazines that they we’re having a contest to have people write a new slogan. The winner would receive $500.00
A dairy farmers wife sent in this
“No tits to pull no chit to pitch just poke a hole in the son of a bitch.”
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shameless dude View Drop Down
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Joined: 10 Apr 2017
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Points: 13607 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shameless dude Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 12:25am
I like them all! thanks
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Clay View Drop Down
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Udall, Kansas
Points: 9687 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Clay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 12:48pm
Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.

It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.



Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over the barbed wire fence?
It was an udder catastrophe.


What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, it would not come anyway.
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steve(ill) View Drop Down
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: illinois
Points: 85478 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote steve(ill) Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 1:03pm
Your loving daughter,

Alice
NOW THATS FUNNY !!!  I think I know her !
Like them all, but love the "B"s.
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Scott B View Drop Down
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Joined: 14 Sep 2013
Location: Kansas City
Points: 1047 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Scott B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 3:27pm
Newlywed couple was getting ready for bed on the big honeymoon night. 
Young feller bent down and took off his shoes.  His bride looks over and says, "what's wrong with your toes?:  Young man replies..."well, you see, I had Toelio when I was a kid"
 
Goes on to drop his britches and his bride studying him over and says, "Oh my, what's wrong with your knees?"  Young fella says.."Well sure enough, I had the Kneasels as well".
 
Poor guy moves on and drops his undershorts.....Young Bride gasps and says,  "Don't tell me you had small cox too!"
 
He was probably a John Deere owner.........


Edited by Scott B - 05 Dec 2018 at 3:29pm
D17 Series 1
Allis B- 1939
Allis B- 1945
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Wayne180d View Drop Down
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Joined: 08 Dec 2015
Location: Gilman, Il
Points: 5940 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Wayne180d Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 6:27pm
Definitely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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HD6GTOM View Drop Down
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Joined: 30 Nov 2009
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Points: 6627 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HD6GTOM Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 6:38pm
Some days I thinks I'm married to Alice?
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desertjoe View Drop Down
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
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Points: 13674 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2018 at 6:59pm
 Hey Tom,,,you best be real glad your Honey ain't like little ole Alice ,,,UMMmm you,,,you,,,ain't had the Rastle her yet have you,,,,???WinkLOL
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Clay View Drop Down
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Udall, Kansas
Points: 9687 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Clay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 6:06am
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.
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desertjoe View Drop Down
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
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Points: 13674 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 9:17am
   SHEEEeessseeeeeeeLOL
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chaskaduo View Drop Down
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Joined: 26 Nov 2016
Location: Twin Cities
Points: 5200 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote chaskaduo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 9:49am
Let me up I've had enough. Wink
1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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Ted J View Drop Down
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Joined: 05 Jul 2010
Location: La Crosse, WI
Points: 18923 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ted J Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 10:49am
Oldies but goodies.
"Allis-Express"
19?? WC / 1941 C / 1952 CA / 1956 WD45 / 1957 WD45 / 1958 D-17
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JC-WI View Drop Down
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
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Points: 34181 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JC-WI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 12:57pm
"Let me up I've had enough. Wink"
Me thoughts were Chaska was refurrin ta the round with the wife this mornin...       Ermm LOL
He who says there is no evil has already deceived himself
The truth is the truth, sugar coated or not. Trawler II says, "Remember that."
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chaskaduo View Drop Down
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Joined: 26 Nov 2016
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Points: 5200 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote chaskaduo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2018 at 1:46pm
I was ROTFLMAO reading them jokes.
 
The loving, I mean rotten ex wife was never funny. Except when she fell on hard times after her new man spent her mommas inheritance and ran off with another woman. Hardy Har HarLOL. I then got my daughter back, daughter was eight at the time. Seems it was hard to attract a meal ticket then.
1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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desertjoe View Drop Down
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Joined: 23 Sep 2013
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Points: 13674 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote desertjoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2018 at 1:05pm
OH,,OK,,just this one,,,,

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
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shameless dude View Drop Down
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Joined: 10 Apr 2017
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Points: 13607 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shameless dude Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2018 at 2:36pm
LMAO!! thanks guys...I needed them!
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shameless dude View Drop Down
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Points: 13607 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shameless dude Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2018 at 2:36pm
Scott....you hit the nail on the head!
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Thad in AR. View Drop Down
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A guy walks in a bar and orders a beer
Bartender brings it and says we don’t serve lawyers.
Soon the guy orders another beer. The bartender brings it and says we don’t serve lawyers. Soon he orders one more. The bartender brings it and says we don’t serve lawyers.
The guy looks at the bartender and asks what do you have against lawyers?
The bartender reply’s lawyers are a-holes. The customer says you better take that back. The bartender says why, are you a lawyer? The customer says no I’m an a-hole.
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john(MI) View Drop Down
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Joined: 12 Sep 2009
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Points: 9262 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote john(MI) Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2018 at 7:53pm
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Ilene.

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other in Japan?

Irene
D14, D17, 5020, 612H, CASE 446
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