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iowallis 
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Location: North Iowa
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 Posted: 11 Apr 2019 at 6:18pm |
 Thad in AR. wrote:
Today at work one of our plumbers asked me if I like country and western music? I looked at him and said, Son western is to music what a dog turd is to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. |
From the Blues Brothers movie-
Jake and Elwood ask the lady at Bob's Country Bunker what type of music they play.
The lady says "both kinds, country AND western!"
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Ken in Texas
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Henderson, TX
Points: 5919
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Posted: 11 Apr 2019 at 8:25pm |
Sign over the commode in our house back in Illinois read IN IT NOT AT IT. WE AIM TO PLEASE. YOU AIM TOO PLEASE. We had a 1/32nd scale slot car track in our basement. One night a week the basement would fill up with slot car racers . Wife finally said. Last night that bunch of friends of yours pissed up my bathroom for the last time. It's time you do something about. Sooo' I made this sign big enough a blind man could read it. Worked Too.
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Ken in Texas
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Location: Henderson, TX
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Posted: 11 Apr 2019 at 8:35pm |
A Cracker Jack Just name a trade or Occupation Joe is a Cracker Jack plumber. SOB Son of a BEE Shoot first - Ask Questions Later Falling over Dollar Bills picking up nickels and dimes
Edited by Ken in Texas - 11 Apr 2019 at 8:39pm
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Ken in Texas
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Posted: 12 Apr 2019 at 3:43am |
FLUB-A-DUB How wormy can it get MICKEY MOUSE The worst you can say about just about anything. This is why I dropped out of the local MICKEY MOUSE Antique Tractor Club Take time to smell the roses Best if left alone If that aint a crime it should be
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ford8nwd
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Joined: 23 Jun 2010
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Posted: 12 Apr 2019 at 7:56am |
It ain't what you want that makes you fat, it's what you get.
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Gordy
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Posted: 12 Apr 2019 at 8:07am |
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As you slide down the banister of life , May the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
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“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough”
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Tbone95
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Joined: 31 Aug 2012
Location: Michigan
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Posted: 12 Apr 2019 at 8:08am |
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Hahaha! I like that one Gordy!
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ac hunter
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Location: OHIO
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Posted: 13 Apr 2019 at 8:20am |
Dad would say this sometimes if you wanted him to help do something, but he always helped anyway. "I'm too light for heavy work and too heavy for light work". Also one of his weather sayings: "all signs fail in wet and dry weather".
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Gordy
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Posted: 13 Apr 2019 at 8:36am |
When a cow tries to scratch he ear it means a shower is very near.
If sheep ascend hills and scatter expect clear weather.
Edited by Gordy - 13 Apr 2019 at 8:39am
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“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough”
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LouSWPA
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Clinton, Pa
Points: 24272
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Posted: 13 Apr 2019 at 8:44am |
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another one from highschool, 'if I had a dog with a face like that i'd shave his asx and make him walk backwards'
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I am still confident of this;
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Ps 27
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LouSWPA
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Posted: 13 Apr 2019 at 9:05am |
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the early worm gets eaten
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I am still confident of this;
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Ps 27
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FloydKS
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Location: S E Kansas
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Posted: 13 Apr 2019 at 12:51pm |
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One I heard in Canada... it is so flat around here you can watch your dog run away for several days. .
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Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die
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Walker
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Posted: 13 Apr 2019 at 8:59pm |
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I've always liked, the hell ya say. Works good on telemarketers too. Breaks up their predetermined spiel just long enough to get em all screwed up.
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Thad in AR.
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Posted: 17 Apr 2019 at 5:34pm |
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The boss was wound up tighter than a bulls ass in fly season.
He had me runnin around like a chicken with its head cut off.
Then I got wound up tighter than the G string on a Silvertone banjo.
I had to repair some storm damage. The boss asked how it looked ? I told him it’s like the ole boy said that sewed the bulls ass shut with grape vine. It ain’t too pretty but it’s hell for stout. 😁
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desertjoe
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Posted: 17 Apr 2019 at 6:50pm |
One momma overheard telling her friend while watching her son miss yet another flyball at a Little League game,,,, " Hold my purse,,I'm gonna go get his azz"
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Ken in Texas
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Posted: 18 Apr 2019 at 3:07am |
Good Golly Miss Molly Once a King always a King. Once a Knight is enough Livin on Borrowed Time Rock-a-by Baby in the tree top. When the bough brakes the cradle will fall. Down will come Baby cradle and all.
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Sugarmaker
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Location: Albion PA
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Posted: 18 Apr 2019 at 6:45am |
Dad always said on a job or project not going as planned or tougher then expected: "This is about like shearing a pig! A heck of a lot of squealing for the little bit of hair you get!"
Regards, Chris |
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D17 1958 (NFE), WD45 1954 (NFE), WD 1952 (NFE), WD 1950 (WFE), Allis F-40 forklift, Allis CA, Allis D14, Ford Jubilee, Many IH Cub Cadets, 32 Ford Dump, 65 Comet.
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IBWD MIke
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Location: Newton Ia.
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Posted: 18 Apr 2019 at 9:00am |
Sugarmaker wrote:
Dad always said on a job or project not going as planned or tougher then expected:"This is about like shearing a pig! A heck of a lot of squealing for the little bit of hair you get!"
Regards, Chris |
That's a good one! There are days I can really relate to it!
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Ken in Texas
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Posted: 18 Apr 2019 at 9:58am |
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I wish I had a 5 cents for every ear of corn I shucked by hand
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Thad in AR.
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Posted: 18 Apr 2019 at 10:54am |
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If trips around the world were a nickel I couldn’t afford to get out of sight.
There ain’t a nickels difference between a workin man and a deadbeat. The deadbeat is usually the one with the nickel.
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iowallis
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Joined: 04 Jun 2017
Location: North Iowa
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Posted: 18 Apr 2019 at 8:57pm |
Confucius says- He who farts in church sits in pew. He who runs in front of car get tired, he who runs behind car gets exhausted.
You can lead a horse to water but it is a lot easier to ride him.
We were so poor- Growing up we had wieners for supper one night and wiener water the next. I couldn't afford to pay attention. Our house was so small we had to go outside just to change our mind.
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Sugarmaker
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Posted: 18 Apr 2019 at 9:03pm |
A couple coats of paint will hide a multitude of sins.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions!
Both of those were repeated frequently by my grandmother. She believed in "paint it if its not moving" and she tried to get things done. Regards, Chris
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D17 1958 (NFE), WD45 1954 (NFE), WD 1952 (NFE), WD 1950 (WFE), Allis F-40 forklift, Allis CA, Allis D14, Ford Jubilee, Many IH Cub Cadets, 32 Ford Dump, 65 Comet.
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Thad in AR.
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Posted: 19 Apr 2019 at 5:23am |
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Caulk and paint don’t make a carpenter what he ain’t
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chaskaduo
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Posted: 19 Apr 2019 at 5:45am |
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Do the drapes match the carpet?
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1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp
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Tbone95
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Posted: 19 Apr 2019 at 8:21am |
chaskaduo wrote:
Do the drapes match the carpet? |
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SteveM C/IL
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Posted: 19 Apr 2019 at 11:17pm |
Nervous as a whore in church busy as a cat on a hot tin roof No sh t?
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Gordy
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Posted: 25 Apr 2019 at 9:13am |
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Some people are like blisters, They don't show up until the work is done.
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“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough”
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Ken in Texas
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Posted: 26 Apr 2019 at 6:50am |
She is so Country she makes Loreta Lynn look like a city slicker. No bones about it. Cant beat that with a stick Old dogs and Children and watermelon wine Jimminy Christmas Got her tit in the wringer Living the life of (Guess Who?)
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Tbone95
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Posted: 26 Apr 2019 at 7:19am |
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....Riley.
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Ken in Texas
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Posted: 26 Apr 2019 at 7:36am |
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Rogers on that Mr Tbone Don't yah just love it when a plan comes together.
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