Shops, Barns, Varmints, and Trucks

New Years Funny's

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Topic: New Years Funny's

Posted By: desertjoe
Subject: New Years Funny's
Date Posted: 01 Jan 2023 at 9:52am

THE VIRGIN BIRTH
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant. About 4 months would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

Replies:

Posted By: desertjoe
Date Posted: 01 Jan 2023 at 9:54am

#2WARNING, these are a little 'randy' Emote

Why doesn't Santa have kids of his own?
He only comes once a year & its down the chimney
~
My left leg is Thanksgiving, my right leg is Christmas.
My husband wants to visit between the holidays.
~
Why are Christmas trees better than men?
Even the small ones give you satisfaction.
~
Why does Santa always land on the roof?
He likes it on top.

Posted By: desertjoe
Date Posted: 01 Jan 2023 at 9:56am

Is your name Jingle Bells?
Cause it looks like your ready to go all the way.
~
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
~
What do female reindeer do when Santa takes the males out to guide his sleigh?
They go into town and blow a few bucks.
~
What's the most disappointing thing for a lover on Christmas morning?
When they get a sweater, but they were hoping for a screamer or moaner.
~
What does a man who had a vasectomy have in common with a Christmas tree?
Their balls are both decorative.
~
What happened when the Grinch tried Viagra?
He grew three sizes that day.
~
What does Santa say when he reaches climax?
Oh, oh, OH!

Posted By: desertjoe
Date Posted: 01 Jan 2023 at 9:59am

WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws'

Ya'll BE HAPPY!!!!

Posted By: steve(ill)
Date Posted: 01 Jan 2023 at 5:43pm

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Like them all, but love the "B"s.

Posted By: Thad in AR.
Date Posted: 01 Jan 2023 at 7:23pm

Happy New Year Joe and the rest of tha misfits.
I enjoy the funnies.

Posted By: Ron(AB)
Date Posted: 01 Jan 2023 at 7:57pm

Ha, ha, ha...

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405, 7000, 7050, 8050, 8070, L3, 2300 & 2600 disk

Posted By: LouSWPA
Date Posted: 01 Jan 2023 at 9:07pm

desertjoe wrote:

#2WARNING, these are a little 'randy' Emote

Joe old buddy, old pal, I take umbrage to the third one! I've never had a complaint!

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I am still confident of this;
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Ps 27

Posted By: jaybmiller
Date Posted: 02 Jan 2023 at 7:11am

What's the penalty for being a bigamist ?

TWO Mother-in-laws !!!

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3 D-14s,A-C forklift, B-112
Kubota BX23S lil' TOOT( The Other Orange Tractor)

Never burn your bridges, unless you can walk on water

Posted By: DMiller
Date Posted: 02 Jan 2023 at 7:13am

I was thinking Two women on the rag in same house, same time.

Posted By: desertjoe
Date Posted: 02 Jan 2023 at 8:56am

ACTUALLY,,,,,,,,it was a woman that posted these and especially the "randy" ones,,,and I would like to meet that one,,,,,she sounds to be an "interesting" one,,,,,,with,,,,with an "open" frame of mind,,,, Wink

I really liked the one describing her legs,,,,(chewing on palms now),,,,,,BYE,,,,

Posted By: LouSWPA
Date Posted: 02 Jan 2023 at 11:46pm

Oh common Joe, you didn't take the bait! LOL

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I am still confident of this;
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Ps 27

Posted By: desertjoe
Date Posted: 03 Jan 2023 at 10:19am

LOU, LOU, LOU,,,,,since I been alone for what,,,one year and 5 months,,(510 days),it pretty dang difficult to keep your mind between the sheets,,,,ER,,,I didn't say that,,,,? did I,,?? NOT WHAT I MEANT,,,,,!!!!Kinda haRD to keep, CHIT,,there I go again!!!!Ya'll KNOW,,,I used to NOT be like this but,,,,BY THE WAY,,,,I sent her a PM,,,see if she'll answer,,,chit with all them "Rowdy" jokes she's got on her mind,,,she might just be one of them nympho gals ,,,and I'd be in deep chit,!!,,,BYE,,,,,