Three California surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had preformed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in California. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost
several fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and eight months later he preformed a private
concert for the Queen of England.

The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I
reattached them and two years later he won a gold medal in a track and field event at the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman riding her horse, tried
to beat a train traveling 80 mph at a railroad crossing. All I had left to work with was the woman's hair
and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she is the Speaker of the House.

Just one more,,,?

 Alexa, where is my dad right now?

YOUR DAD IS AT A STRIP CLUB IN LAS VEGAS

HaHaHa, Alexa, you're wrong! My dad is sitting on the couch next to me!

YOUR MOTHER'S HUSBAND IS SITTING ON THE COUCH NEXT TO YOU. YOUR DAD IS IN A STRIP CLUB IN LAS VEGAS RIGHT NOW.

UMM,,maybe one more,,??

Two men are playing golf, and there are two ladies playing in front of them.

The ladies are taking forever...really playing slow. The men are getting impatient.

After about three holes of this, one guy says, "This is ridiculous". "Get in the cart and go ask them to let us play through!"

So the other guy takes off in the cart.

About halfway to the next hole, he stops, turns the cart around and comes back.

"Hey", he says. "This is embarrassing but that's my wife and my girlfriend playing together. "I can't get near them. You go."

So the other guy jumps in the cart and heads off.

A minute later he comes back. He doesn't say anything...just walks over to the tee box.

The first guy says, "Well? Did you talk to them?"

And the second guy says, "Uh...small world!"

 Chit,,I forgot how many,,,,,,

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers.
He sits down in the only vacant seat that's directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot.... I thought maybe you were my son."