Kids (H)
Printed From: Unofficial Allis
Category: Other Topics
Forum Name: Shops, Barns, Varmints, and Trucks
Forum Description: anything you want to talk about except politics
URL: https://www.allischalmers.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=157261
Printed Date: 07 Sep 2025 at 11:02am
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Topic: Kids (H)
Posted By: Coke-in-MN
Subject: Kids (H)
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 11:20am
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Why we love children: It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron." A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine..." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not." A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too." The minister started his Children’s Sermon with a question, “Who knows what a Resurrection is?” Without missing a beat a young boy says, “If you have one lasting more than 4 hours call your physician.” The pastor is still laughing. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy sh**! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. ------------- Life lesson: If you’re being chased by a lion, you’re on a horse, to the left of you is a giraffe and on the right is a unicorn, what do you do? You stop drinking and get off the carousel. |
Replies:
Posted By: Hubert (Ga)engine7
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 11:30am
Good ones, Coke!  ------------- Just an old country boy saved by the grace of God. |
Posted By: shameless dude
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 11:51am
| thanks! I needed those! |
Posted By: Stan IL&TN
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 12:03pm
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Those were great and as we all know, never ask a child a question unless we know what the answer will be.😆 ------------- 1957 WD45 dad's first AC 1968 one-seventy 1956 F40 Ferguson |
Posted By: tadams(OH)
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 2:18pm
| Yes, I needed a few good laughs, good ones |
Posted By: chaskaduo
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 4:46pm
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Sugarbrowns daughter ------------- 1938 B, 79 Dynamark 11/36 6spd, 95 Weed-Eater 16hp, 2010 Bolens 14hp |
Posted By: DiyDave
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 6:06pm
A little boy was sitting on the curb, crying, when a priest walks up and asks why are you crying, my son. Boy says, the mailman just ran over my dog's ass, and just took off. Priest says, you shouldn't say ass, son, say rectum. Boy says rectum, he f--kin killed him!
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Posted By: iowallis
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 6:54pm
| Grandparents take their young grandson to the local diner for lunch. Grandma reads the children's menu... hamburger, cheese burger, chicken strips, cheese quesadilla, or a hot dog and asks what he would like. The grandson says "I'll have the case of diarrhea". |
Posted By: Ted J
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 7:12pm
------------- "Allis-Express" 19?? WC / 1941 C / 1952 CA / 1956 WD45 / 1957 WD45 / 1958 D-17 |
Stan IL&TN wrote:Posted By: john(MI)
Date Posted: 15 Jan 2019 at 7:23pm
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When I was young I was in church being Confirmed. The Bishop looked at me and asked if I had been Baptized in that church. I said; "I don't know". He asked me; "why don't you know?" I said; "I don't remember!". He got a chuckle out of that as well as the whole church. True story! ------------- D14, D17, 5020, 612H, CASE 446 |
Posted By: DaveKamp
Date Posted: 16 Jan 2019 at 12:08am
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Nick was about a month past three... sharp as a tack... and early learning boy of everything. i walked into the kitchen, he was all dressed and ready for his morning ride to daycare, but moving a little bit clumsy. I looked down, and said to him... Nick... you've got your shoes on the wrong feet. He looked up at me with sad eyes and said: "But Daddy... I don't HAVE any other feet... " ------------- Ten Amendments, Ten Commandments, and one Golden Rule solve most every problem. Citrus hand-cleaner with Pumice does the rest. |
Posted By: Tbone95
Date Posted: 16 Jan 2019 at 1:52pm
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Mall security finds a little girl crying by the fountain. "What's wrong little one?" "Sniff....I've lost my grandfather." "Don't worry. We'll help you find him. What's he like?" "Sniff....um...Good scotch, cheap cigars, and women with big boobs."
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Posted By: steve(ill)
Date Posted: 16 Jan 2019 at 5:04pm
 ------------- Like them all, but love the "B"s. |